Changing the Caregiver Narrative with Dr. Elise Eifert

I’ve never heard someone say, “I can’t wait to be a caregiver!” Have you?

In our culture, caregiving is stigmatized. Attention given to the negative aspects of caregiving is so overwhelming that all we hear about is the hard stuff. And, as humans, we naturally gravitate toward the negatives.

It’s called the negative bias or the positive-negative asymmetry effect. One example of this is that as a professor, I receive student evaluations each semester. Most of them are positive, but a negative comment will stick out to me, and I’ll dwell on that instead of the positive ones. The same tendency is true for other aspects of life, especially caregiving.

Shifting Our Focus

It’s so important to recognize and celebrate achievements and personal growth in caregiving.  No matter how big or small, any achievement is an achievement and one of any size is worth celebrating.

Caregiving is multi-dimensional, and instead of viewing it as a singular dimension where everything is hard, emotionally taxing, or physically demanding, it’s important that we view it as multiple dimensions that can coexist. There is a duality in caregiving.  It is difficult, but it also adds meaning to life.  It is exhausting, but the caregiver recognizes new strengths and demonstrates resilience. It’s important to not ignore the negative or positive aspects of caregiving. Let’s talk about both.

Embracing the Positives

There are numerous positive aspects of caregiving and honestly, we don’t talk about the positive ones enough. The University of Washington’s caregiver benefits scale explored a variety of aspects of caregiving and learned some important things.

Caregiving:

• Helps us become more patient, caring and accepting of others
• Leads caregivers to finding new strengths
• Puts life in a new perspective
• Creates a greater appreciation for life
• Leads people to become a better version of themselves
• Adds meaning to life
• Increases self-advocacy

I’ve worked with family caregivers for over 15 years, and I’ve heard them share how caregiving has positively influenced their life.  A lot of them take pride in their ability to meet the challenges that life has thrown at them.  It’s given them an improved sense of self-worth and greater awareness of their own endurance and resilience.

Putting It into Practice

Take a few moments to reflect. Does your mind gravitate to the negatives of caregiving? If so, that’s okay. Let’s take an empowering and positive step forward together.

Grab a piece of paper and at the top of the paper, write “Reasons to Celebrate.”  Make a list of ways that the caregiving experience has spurred your personal growth.

• Do you speak up for yourself more easily now?
• Are you more understanding of others?
• Has your medical knowledge increased?
• Are you able to quickly prioritize tasks?
• Do you feel clarity about what’s most important to you and what’s most important in life?

List strengths that you see within yourself – endurance, resilience, kindness, empathy for others, etc. Each item you’ve written on your list is an achievement worth celebrating.  Keep this list, add to it, and read it over and over.

When you feel your thoughts begin to shift in a negative direction, use this growing list to turn your thoughts back to the positives of caregiving and the growth you are experiencing. Keep it up, caregiver. You are doing a great job.

Dr. Elise Eifert is an Assistant Professor and Graduate Coordinator for the Gerontology program at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. She is a gerontology and health promotion scholar with over 15 years of experience working and conducting research with family caregivers. For more from Dr. Eifert, listen to her podcast episodes below!

The E-Series: Caregiver Identity

The E-Series: The Joy of Caregiving