Coordinating a Parent’s Care with Siblings

When the needs of an aging parent increase, caregiving may be needed. This can lead to challenges for siblings as they seek to determine the level of care needed and how to go about caring for their parent. Different perspectives and personalities can contribute to added strain in an already stressful caregiving situation.

Embracing a few simple strategies can help adult children unite while taking care of a parent.

Open Communication Channels 
Communicating with family members in an organized way can help everyone stay informed of a parent’s condition and how they can best be involved. Tools to improve family communication include phone apps (CaringBridge, CareZone or Caring Village) and virtual family meetings (Zoom or Microsoft Teams).

Divide Responsibilities 
Finding a way to organize responsibilities related to your parent’s care can help eliminate confusion and miscommunication for everyone. Keep a clear list and timeline of needs so each sibling can evaluate how they can help based on their ability and schedule. This list might include items such as administering medication, communicating with a long-term care facility, coordinating physical therapy, handling household chores, replenishing medical and personal supplies, and scheduling doctor’s appointments.

Help Long-Distance Caregivers Get Involved 
Having a list of ways that non-local siblings can get involved can help everyone feel like they are making a meaningful caregiving contribution.  These tasks may include:

• Scheduled FaceTime/phone calls with parents
• Managing finances
• Filing insurance claims
• Dealing with Medicare/Medicaid issues
• Paying for lawn care
• Providing a restaurant or grocery gift card

Have a Primary Caregiver
We all know that too many cooks in the kitchen can get crowded. It is common for one child to be the primary go-to-person for an aging parent.  Whether it is by choice or by geographic location, understanding that one sibling will most likely take the lead on certain decisions and hands-on care is important. This primary caregiver should remember to lean into their siblings and look for important support from them. In addition, it will be helpful for the other siblings to show their support of the primary caregiver in this role.

Get Support When Caregiving Roles are Unequal 
Not all families are built to share caregiving responsibilities equally. When this is the case, it may be easy for tension to build between siblings. For example, some siblings may be more emotionally equipped to handle their parent’s decline, further contributing to role imbalances. In these cases, it can be helpful to seek out support such as individual counseling or joining a support group for long-distance caregivers to help process the emotions that arise when collaborating care.

Play to Each Sibling’s Strength 
Are you a nurturer and a strong hands-on caregiver? Are you a cheerleader and encourager for someone providing care?  Are you gifted with keeping records, communicating with businesses, and handling finances?  Work with your siblings to determine each person’s strengths and divide necessary caregiving tasks based on these personality strengths.

Regardless of your family dynamics, we know that working together to provide the best possible care for your parents is always the ultimate goal. Keep this goal in the forefront of your mind and let it motivate you as you actively engage your siblings in the caregiving process.